Is there a big sign that says "Whorehouse"?
If so, there's probably already a whorehouse. You might not want to put your whorehouse right there. Remember the Rule of Three - it takes an average of three bullets to shoot each existing hoe in a competing whorehouse.

Are the streets in good condition?
No one will come to your brothel if you're on a dirt road or earthquake fault line. Potholes make it much harder to perform oral this'n'that in moving vehicles, signficantly decreasing ho productivity. Streets should be smooth enough to have anal intercourse at 85 mph - you'll thank us later.

Is there sufficient parking?
Your customers will be broke, so they're not going to feed a parking meter. Make sure there's plenty of spots so you can put up "Hooka' House Parking - All Others Will Be Towed" signs. The parking spaces should be within shotgun range of your establishment, so you can enforce customer fees and defend your pimpmobile against vindictive gonorrhea sufferers.

Property value.
Much like pubic hair, location is very important to your brothel. You don't want the curlys rolling down the thighs, and you don't want a whorehouse near a police station or retirement home. Military bases are good, though. Try testing out your potential location by chaining a friend and a bag of crack cocaine to the sidewalk. If he gets raped and mugged before he gets arrested, you've chosen an excellent location. Another sure sign is places offering Check's Cashed, Nails, Tattoos and Smoke Shops.

Now that you have a place for your Muff Mansion, all you have to do is buy it! To finance your purchase, kidnap and ransom rich little boys or try pitching your hopes and dreams to geeky-looking venture capitalists who look like virgins. Don't forget, bank robbers and collection-plate nuns carry a lot of cash on them, so befriend these people in order to steal their money.

Once you've got your whorehouse, there's no stopping your rise to ultimate Pimpitude!