Test Your Pimp Status in 10 steps. 1: You think you's a pimp?

Step 1: So You Thinks You's A Pimp?

Being a pimp requires hard work, patience, and skill. Not everyone is cut out to be a professional pimp. Also, you should want to be a pimp for the right reasons. To see if you're a good candidate, please take a quick Pimp Quiz:

Pimp Quiz

Why do you want to be a pimp?
a) All my friends are doing it.
b) My mom told me to.
c) I want to do more than just major in biochemistry.
d) Been slappin' and tappin' for years, might as well get paid.

What would you like to be doing on Friday nights?
a) Spending time with my friends.
b) Hanging out at the mall.
c) Getting that physics problem set out of the way.
d) Hittin' bitches 'till the cops come!

A customer enters your whorehouse and sees you wearing...
a) Tank top, shorts, sneakers.
b) Polo shirt, Docker khackis, Tommy socks.
c) Armani suit and dress shoes.
d) Flaming red shirt, tight lime green pants, bright purple trenchcoat, top hat, cane, fur, and gold a' plenty.

You're out for some driveby whoop-ass. You hop in your Pimpmobile...
a) Sky blue Toyota hatchback with sun-roof.
b) Beige '88 Datsun with power locks.
c) Steel grey BMW with Aquatred tires.
d) Vibrant Cadillac with gold rims, hydraulics, driver-side mounted shotgun, and ceiling-mounted jimmy dispenser.

Say you have an altercation with a threatening person of subnormal intelligence. You...
a) Say "Come on man, why can't we all just get along."
b) Try to change the subject: "Did you think Episode I was better than Star Wars: Return of the Jedi?"
c) Explain to him he needs to break out of the viscious circle (jerk) of anger and violence.
d) Slap, tell him about his mama, pop a cap in his ass an' and torch the body.

If you answered D for every question, you've got what it takes to be a pimp! Before you begin your journey down the road of pimpness, you need to set down your hopes and dreams and goals on paper. This checklist will allow you to track your pimp progress objectively and monitor your pimp level. The easiest way to do this is to keep a Pimp Journal. Every good pimp has one. In this journal, you should write down realistic, specific goals and the date you want to accomplish them.

Incorrect: I wanna be gangin' 17 biatches atta' time!
Correct: I wanna be fuckin' 17 biatches atta' time 'n shit by 10:00 pm EST next Tuesday!

Pimp Tip: Don't be forgetting about Daylight Savin's Time. Remember, "Spring yo' ass forward an' fall yo' ass back" an' yo' shit won't get all fucked up. You don't want to be an hour late getting to the stip, do you?

So now you have your Pimp Journal all filled out. You're ready to start meeting hoes!

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