Ahh,
yes. Chinese food. The food of the Gods. There's lots of
different kinds of chinese food. You've got your moo-shoo
pork, your sweet-and-sour chicken, and you've even got your
shrimp and vegetables. Mmm. That's some mighty good eatin'.
Every pimp must eat chinese food. And lots of it.
Ordering
chinese food is a fine art. Of course, the only way to do
it is by calling up the restaurant for some take-out. Start
by picking up the phone. Then dial 7 random numbers. You
may want to start on 111-1111, then 111-1112, and so on,
until you eventually dial the number of a chinese food place.
When they ask for your order, refrain from asking the person
on the line whether or not they are wearing underpants.
It's just rude. Instead, tell them what kind of food you'd
like. Make sure to ask for extra soy sauce. If they also
sell concubines, get one of those too. When the nice man
or woman or dog in a monkey costume finally shows up, yell
at them about how you've been waiting for hours, about how
the food is cold, about how they are a communist, and so
on. Refuse to tip them. They should've thought about tips
before they went red. Sit down, and enjoy your meal. When
finished, eat the fortune cookie. Have sex with the concubine.
Then congratulate yourself on a job well-done. You're almost
a pimp, my man. One more step to go.
