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Dirty Whore-a-scopes
by Brian K. White courtesy of Glossy News

We recognize that not all people of all years born within a certain window need the same advice and fit the same profile. That's why at PimpCentral.org we appreciate broad diversity and write our horoscopes for YOU, whomever you may be... in this case, a dirty whore.

Cancer: (June 22-July 22) - Freebies to the pimp donít put diapers on your baby.

Leo: (July 23-Aug. 22) - Come on girl, you know you gotta jimmy that thing up! Even the stars know that.

Virgo: (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) - Good money in them nasty tricks.

Libra: (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) - The one who talks the least, looks the best and doesnít argue over price is always the cop. The one who brings his own theme music is all good.

Scorpio: (Oct. 24-Nov. 21) - Honey, you donít need another kid, you canít feed the three you have. Consider giving it up for adoption. Crack babies are all the rage this summer and you might get some johnny cash on the deal.

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) - Stop scratching at it, I know it itches like a mother but it just wonít do any good.

Capricorn: (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) - Understand the answer may lie in less perfume and more soap. Oh and lose the pechuly oil, the stars can smell you from there.

Aquarius: (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) - A group discount you say? Now youíre using the old noodle. Well technically a bunch of old noodles, but the point (or points) remain the same.

Pisces: (Feb. 19-March 20) - I donít care if he does have a feather boa, if he talks to you like that again, you tell him where he canít stick it. You know you're the best three hole course he's ever played.

Aries: (March 21-April 19) - Girl, youíre pushing 40. Itís time to consider a new career. Perhaps one without a specific cash to vagina ratio.

Taurus: (April. 20-May 20) - I know heís your husband, but he really should pay at least something. No such thing as a free lunch, even if he does eat at the Y.

Gemini: (May 21-June 21 - Less getting freaky with your bad self, more so with the bad selves of others. Always think of the bottom line.

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