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Need love? $20-$3,000, hot as hell straight down to nasty. We got hoes in different area codes. 912-420-PIMP

Klondike Bar No More What would you do for a taste of what I've got, baby. I'm easy to find, just hit the nearest airport strip, and throw down a couple jacksons and I'll be stripping and dripping all over you before you know what infected you, honey.

There's another way through Jesus Not that guy who asks you for a tithe of 10%, but my daddy Jesus from Guatamala, he only asks for what you can give, and you don't have to wait for any promised land, you get your reward tonight.

Stop Raping My Neighbor I'm a good person and do nothing ill against my own, but I'm so sick of waking up at all hours to hear you guys beating my neighbor lady to a pulp. Sure she's a hooker, and yes, she likes it really rough, but leave some pulp for the juicer, God begs you!

Advance Till Payday? Forget that, make cash tonight. Generous split, benefits, no slapping. 481-210-HOES

, - The one place in the world with too damn many hoes. Don't come here unless you got cash, got it?

Vinnies Fine Furs Vintage & Contemporary. New inventory most night. 2nd & Main.

How to Be A Pimp with Willy Kissinger. Everything you need to know about, all inclusive seminar and Franchise opportunities. Not a hoax, real deal.

Baby Doll $2.50 for "you call it", also take half a rock. Look for me up and down the main drag 20-22 hours a day. Awesome group rates, make offer charge by the hour, minute OR second.

Ass Ass Ass! Ass, ass, ass! We got everything you want if you dig ass! Don't call us, we'll call you.

Joes Bling N' Pawn 14k, plated & diamonds. Best prices, best selection, cash loans. You know where to find us.

Need Another 10-Spot? Central Plasma wants your dirty blood. Now open 24hrs, drive through available.

Condom Exchange! Inner city group wants you to be safe. Just bring in your old used condoms and we'll trade you for no cost.

Taylor the Tailor makes custom boa's just for pimps. Fur, velvet and muppet skin. 4th and Broadway.

VCR for Rocks! We'll give you a crack rock for any VCR, at any hour. 2 rocks for TVs, 3 rocks for runaways. Look for me in a long black coat at the Greyhound station.

Golden Smile Dental This months special, whole mouth replacement in 10 karat gold, easy payments.

The Head Shop/Head Shop Get a bong and a BJ, $95 (plus tax). Alley behind Jack in the Box, 41st and Madison.

Liquor & Wine/Lick Her and Whine Get your drink on, get your bone on, get the hell out. 461-555-9111

Silky Smooth Expienced felatio, $30 straight, $70 without the dentures. We gum it up right. www.gumcumgobbler.cum

STD Testing? Get a clean bill of health with one of our easy questionairres. Complete and return with your check and we'll give you paperwork that says you're clean! 800-621-SAFE.

AIDS-B-GONE Revolutionairy product ends your nasty battle with AIDS in mere minutes. May contain arsenic. Side effects include certain death. www.ratpoison.com

Basement Boob Jobs Results guaranteed, minimal infection rate, will work in trade. Clinic moves regularly, so call the beeper at 641-911-8000 and we'll let you know where we're at today.

How to be a PIMP! Free self-study course right here at PimpCentral.org/howto0.htm.

Earn Your Degree Get a home degree in pimping for only $179.99. Home course comes complete with diploma and a gold tooth cap engraved with your name is also available.

Dicount Ho Daycare Need to work all night and day? Let our trained supervisors watch your kids. We teach crafts and manufacturing in a professional setting where children make evrything from dolls to designer apparel. No cops.

Runaways Take Heed (LOLZORS) I'm a gracious host looking to take in 5-500 young ladies into the service of my employ. Parents don't understand you? The system got you down? I'm here to help. Pick up the jingly ringer and call Adam-46 today, and I'll make your whole life seem temporarily better.

No Games, Just Lesser-Games I'm a nice guy, I never done nothing wrong, but this publication seems to me the place to put my ad. Seeking semi-broken woman who's ready to be fixed, preferably in the Seattle area, but I can cover your relocation costs, just don't rob me like all the other girls. THX!

Floyds Smack O' Rama Ho need a lesson but your backhand needs a rest? Floyd got your smackdown on standby. First dozen free.

Learn to Play The Pimp Game. Easy book, do it right.

Lowered 86' Cadillac. Low miles, velvet interior, $400 OBO. You see me driving around, just hollar.

Sister Psychic Reads your horoscope, but only if you are a pimp, ho or in the sexual entertainment for cash or drugs business. 900-RED-PALM

Classy Escorts. Feel popular, handsome and straight with a classy bitch on your arm. Quarter hour rates available. 461-GIT-NOWZ, call midnight to 3:00AM.

Wanted; A gun or someone who will shoot my old lady... leave a personal, I'll contact you.

For Sale used tang of many varieties and colors including several Mariah's. High mileage but well maintained (cervix records available.) 800-ASS-MEAT.

Jimmy-Jake the ho-larious pimp comic will entertain and delight your corporate event, private party or party privates. Orange County work-release tour coming soon, check Ticket Master for more info.

Friction Masters Your expert in the dry hand job. Reasonable rates, free band aids and a for your pillow (not to be taken orally). Some models not completely ugly. www.indianrub.com.

Got Info? Snitches needed for 14th precinct. Many siezed drugs available in trade or for reasonable price. Ask booking clerk for brochure.

Want to be The ultimate American Pimp? Let the official insider documentary show you how.

Who's Ya Daddy? Only the paternity results you want, or your money back. Legal in four states, binding in zero. www.daddydenial.ru

East Asia Massage Specializing in full release massage at odd hours. Military discounts apply. Beautiful masseuses. 800-600-GOOD

Far East Asia Massage Forget those other guys, we specialize in penile vaginal massage and we're not kidding. Their models are tired, ours are hot as hell. 800-6-BETTER

Farthest East Massage We don't even pretend to be a massage parlor, we just have hookers and they are way hotter than those fake massage parlors. Full release? Sure. Penile Vaginal, okay whatever. Just bring cash. 800-458-BEST

Cop Needs Kick-Backs I'll look the other way for a nominal fee. Have gambling habit to support. You'll know me when you see me. Password is "Well, well, well, what do we have here?"

Smokeable Weight Loss Don't fuss with exercise or a balanced diet. Smoke yourself wafer thin in 10 days, guaranteed, on our program of smokeable rocks.

Got Stolen Sheet? Smart perpetrators and suspects alike Let PimpCentral.org classifieds move it quick.

Anus too snug? We stretch rectums for cash. Stop bleeding from eight inches of love, let us help. Sponsored by the Internal Revenue Service.

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